Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
