this beer tastes like vomit already
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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