LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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