My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
