I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
