Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
