Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
