I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
