Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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