did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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