No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
