I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
