What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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