I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
