What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you made out with another girl for some wings
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
