Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
