32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
