some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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