I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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