they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
