I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
