Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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