She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
