youre lurking in front of me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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