Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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