I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
