I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
