she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
