Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
