dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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