he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
