You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
