if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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