Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
