Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
