Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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