College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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