So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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