You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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