Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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