Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
