I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I touched a dick in church today
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
