She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
