Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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