SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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