You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
