tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
