No stitches, just platelets and will power
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
