Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
