I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
