I just pynch a tree in the face
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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