Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
