and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
