I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
