she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize