I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
