sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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