I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can't talk, ducks in the car
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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