I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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