We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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