the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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