Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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