I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
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