im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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