Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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